So tonight was the farm Christmas party, and I have to say that it was the worst one ever.

In case you don’t know who the barn girls are, they’re the other parts of me. We’ve been riding together since some of the girls were about 6. I joined when I was 11. We’re all completely different people who are now in colleges all over the place. But somehow, things are always the same between us. Well, not really the same exactly; we have all changed over the years. But WE never change. We’re always us. That’s a very reassuring thought

beano

Tonight was the farm Christmas party. When I got there at 4 I learned that Licorice was down in her stall when they went to get her this morning. Licorice is Amy’s horse, and we call her Beano. She’s absolutely the sweetest, most loving, most trustworthy horse ever. I would trust her with my life. If there was ever a horse who would do her best to take care of you, it’s her.

She didn’t really get better throughout the day. My riding instructor is Mary Kay, and her daughter Sarah is a vet, so she had really great care, but through all of the rectal exams Sarah really couldn’t tell what was going on.

When I got there Amy was down in the arena with Beano. She had just been given some drugs so she was walking around with her head hanging down, and she seemed pretty out of it. That’s not Licorice.

She was just so sick. At around 7 they took her over to Tufts for an exam and maybe surgery. But a 20 year old horse isn’t a very good candidate for colic surgery. We all waited in the house to hear any news. We tried watching a movie, and whenever Sarah got a phone call we turned the volume way down so we could hear the conversation.

That’s how we learned that there wasn’t going to be any surgery. That Beano wasn’t coming home.

We all cried.

Then we waited for Amy to get back to the farm. When she did, all she had was an empty halter and braided black hair.

Life’s not fair.

It’s not fair that a horse who was so perfect yesterday isn’t alive today. It’s not fair that people don’t understand that she’s not “just a horse”, she’s a best friend. And it’s not fair that a 21 year old has to make the decision that ends her best friends life.

I wont remember Beano the way I saw her today. I’m going to remember her the way she was, galloping up Caitlin’s hill

licorice

with Summa and Teddie, walking down to the gate, halterless, with Amy on her back, grazing with her buddies. That’s her.

And now for the quote that is so beautiful, that I hoped I would never get to use.

“If you bury her in this spot, the secret of which you must already have, she will come to you when you call- come to you over the far, dim pastures of death, and down the remembered paths to your side again. And though you ride other living horses through life, they shall not shy at her or resent her coming. For she is yours and she belongs there.

People may scoff at you, who see no lightest blade of grass bent by her footfall, who hear no nicker pitched too fine for insensitive ears. People who may never really love a horse. Smile at them then, for you shall know something that is hidden from them, and which is well worth knowing.

The one place to bury a horse is in the heart of her mistress.”

-Unknown