me, molly, and the kids

Have anyone ever told you, “if you can’t count the number of great friends you have on one hand, you’re lucky”? Well I think I must be the luckiest person in the world.

In my last post about the accident, I mentioned how all of us from that time have a special bond and I know we’ll always be there for each other. Well I have a few groups of friends like that. I just sat down and counted all of the people I have in my life who I know without a shadow of a doubt will be there forever. 31 people. 31 wonderful friends. And even though we’re spread out across the world right now, that doesn’t matter, because we have each other for life.

malabika... me mal and erika

I got a phone call the other day from a friend. She’s one of my 31 people, and we went to college together for awhile too. When I answered she was crying. She told me that she’s lonely there…

I know how she feels.

For some reason, down at school I felt like nearly every relationship I made was superficial and fleeting. Friends came and went and I didn’t understand why. I mean, in my life up to college, the relationships I made were lasting. Friends didn’t just enter your life, have some fun, and then move on to the next exciting thing. But in my three years at school, I made only 4 friends who I really feel like I can count on. Sure, there are plenty of other great people there. I can go to a party and know just about everybody, and be “friends” with most of them. But it’s not the same. So when people tell me “Oh you think you made good friends in high school, sure, but you’ll move on from them and make your best friends in college”, I must beg to differ.

And the strangest part is, it seems to me that these people don’t care that their relationships are so temporary. They appear perfectly happy to be best friends for a month and then move on to someone else. And that is what has me wondering, if maybe not everyone is as lucky as me. Maybe other people didn’t have the chance to develop friendships that feel like family, and feel so secure. Maybe they think that those relationships that they’re making and walking away from are normal, and it’s cool to have a million friends, none of whom you can really count on.

my it girls

I’ll pass.

For myself, whether or not someone is a true friend to me depends on if I feel comfortable enough to call them if I’m in trouble. I don’t need a million friends who’ll make an excuse and say they’re too busy if I call because I’m stuck at the airport. I need one friend who’ll drop everything to come get me. Just like I would drop everything to come get them.

And I’m lucky. I have 31 friends like that.

Friends who can forgive the stupid things I do. Friends who call as soon as they wake up to make plans for the day. Friends who don’t knock. Friends who will drive 2 hours to be bored for 2 more hours so I’ll have someone to keep me company. Friends who know everything about me and love me anyway. Friends who I can go years without seeing and the love never changes.

the barn girls... and dexter

When I was a kid I sometimes got upset because I felt like my life was divided into too many sections. There were so many worlds that I belonged to and I felt torn between them all. I wanted everyone I knew to know and love everyone else so I wouldn’t have to choose between them. And yet, I felt as though if I tried to bring my worlds together something terrible would happen.

Now I can’t even begin to describe how privileged I feel to be a part of them all. Each group of friends brings something really special to my life, and they’ve all helped to make me into the person I am right now. Now I understand that I don’t have to bring all of the pieces together, because they can coexist just fine side by side. All of my friends don’t have to be friends (though I”ll admit I do make them watch home videos of each other ) I’m just glad I know them all.

my boys

I hope there are lots of other people out there who are as fortunate as I am. Because I don’t even want to imagine what life would be like without my 31 best friends.

And the quote-

“A best friends knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you’ve forgotten the words.” -Donna Roberts