So I was on COTH the other day and I decided to read over the horseless rider/riderless horse thread. That got me thinking how much it sucks to be a horseless rider. Against my wall I’ve got my saddle, barely broken in, with my almost brand new helmet on it. It’s depressing.

me and my buddy al

And I know I have no reason to complain. I had the opportunity to stay at Torrances and ride every day. And even here, I could go to the farm and ride Ted or Lady during the week. But neither of those things feel right. The farm brings back so many memories of when I was there and I DID have my horse to ride. But Al’s not there anymore.

I tried to take a lesson at Holiday Acres, which is a few towns away. I thought I could just give it a try. It was horrible. As soon as I got there I knew what a terrible idea it was. First of all, the woman I talked to on the phone had asked me no questions about my riding. She didn’t even ask my name. I thought that was pretty strange for her to just have me come over and not know anything about me. But I figured once I got there we would have a nice discussion and she would then choose a horse to suit my needs.

That is not what happened.

Luckily I had brought Amy Cl and Cb with me, because I got there, and she was in a lesson with someone else. Once she noticed me, she just sent me out to get a horse. The mother of the girl in the lesson went with me, and she just sent me out there. It was completely ridiculous. She had no idea what kind of rider I was, or if I had even handled a horse before. For all she knew, I was a complete beginner who was just starting out. And she sent me out there alone to bring back a strange horse into a strange barn. Once inside I had even less instruction. I eventually put the horse into his stall since that seemed to be the only place to tack up, and I proceeded to get him ready. Again, this instructor had no idea that I could handle this. However she let me groom and tack up this horse in a stall completely unsupervised. I kept turning to the girls and saying “this is the most bizarre experience ever”.

The lesson was even worse. I’m not the worst rider in the world, and Torrance told me that I have potential to be really good. However, when I was riding with her she was absolutely particular about everything. We walked for many of the rides, working on my position, my hands, and my aids, getting them exactly right. In fact, in my entire three months with her I think I only cantered like 5 times. And I improved tremendously.

But when I got on this horse it was like I had never ridden before. I was given no time to figure anything out, and I was so stressed out I could feel myself going back to all of my old habits. Half of the lesson was spent running around the outside of the ring throwing the horse over jumps, and I was given practically no instruction at all. I was so embarrassed that anyone would see me riding like that, because I could feel with every step my position was getting worse and worse. I couldn’t hold my legs still, my hands were pulled into my stomach, and I was hunched like an old lady. I should have just gotten off halfway through. If Torrance had seen me I don’t know what she would have said. She certainly wouldn’t have had me racing around the ring like that, completely off kilter.

Needless to say I did not go back there.

I haven’t wanted to try anywhere else either. The way I rode with Torrance was so different. I love it, and I don’t ever want to go back to the way I rode before. She told me once that the goal is not to go out there to an event and make it through. It’s not even to go out there and win. The goal is to regulate, and be in control of every single step that you and your horse take. And I could feel that when I was riding. That’s the way I want to ride. But now I’m scared that riding with anyone else, or even riding on my own, will destroy all of the skills she helped me to gain.

But I need to ride again. Any horse person can tell you that once horses are inside of you, there’s no getting away from it. A horse person is a horse person for life.

I actually wrote that I was sick of being a horseless rider as my facebook status yesterday, and got a pretty amazing offer. A friend of mine who lives in Oklahoma offered to let me “borrow’ one of his horses. I’ll be going back to TN in the fall, and he said that he would even bring her out there if I decided it was something I wanted to do. I can’t believe it. I know I can’t afford a whole lot in terms of board, but she’s a pasture horse right now, and the pasture board at the barn near school might actually be do-able. I can’t believe I’m actually considering it, and it might happen. Crazy.

So as of right now, I’m a horseless rider, but hopefully soon I won’t be. And even if I remain horseless, I’m still a rider… because that never changes.